I'll never chase away the rain

I fucked up, didn't I? Can I take back all those texts, all the words, feelings and thoughts that went on earlier today? I seriously feel like shit. At first, I was the one pissed because you weren't responding, and then you got even more upset. And even now, you're still upset, and I'm not quite sorry. My roommate once told me, "Are you guys okay? I feel so bad, you guys always seem to be fighting. Why can't you just be happy? Why can't you just appreciate each other" and I said I didn't know. I think I am extremely hard to please. I try to hold back some of my words and thoughts but sometimes they get the best of me. And sometimes, they get the best of you. And then it gets messy. And then I think you deserve way better than me. Why do we go through this endless cycle. My thoughts are all jumbled up right now. I'm sure they can make you feel better. Better than me, i'm the one who always has to kill your buzz. Why? Why do I bring you down, why can't I be happy when you're happy. Why can't I be appreciative of what I have instead of constantly pushing you away. I think it's my human nature to push everyone who's good to me away simply because I want to hurt them. I don't know why. I want to stop, but it always comes up. Maybe it's not meant to be. I want to be in the happy relationship but quite frankly, I don't know if i'm happy right now. I don't know if i'll ever make you happy.