All the glitter and glamour

It's almost that time of year again. Right after christmas comes the pre new year excitement. Promises of hope, love, prosperity, luck, new beginnings...I think it's the second best thing to Christmas itself!! ^_^ I tried  to find a bunch of things that encompasses how I felt about NYE and New year's day, but I was unsuccessful. All the glamour and glitz and sequins and sparkles and hope cannot be put into pictures. I don't think I've ever had a wild NYE before. I've always had a strict 10 pm curfew, and I often spend it at home watching Dick Clark's NYE party on TV or watch the ball drop on Times Square. In other words, a nice quiet boring evening at home. But maybe this year, who knows. My curfew is pretty loose this winter break. I've broke it twice and my parents have yet to say anything about it. I think it's also due to the fact where I don't care as much. I'm sure my friends are down to do something that night. Maybe we can have some non-sober fun ;)

2013, I gotchuu, lezzdodis ;)

damn words get in the way

I spontaneously decided to deactivate my facebook for the time being. There were too many thoughts and feelings in my head, emotions I cannot control, words left unsaid. The last thing I saw on facebook was a friend's extremely cheesy love story and pictures, with too much cuteness and love in one post. And I thought to myself, I can't handle hearing about this happiness when my heart and mind is in too much pain. It was the final straw. I just need to be by myself, surrounded by friends and family, away from worldly distractions that threaten to take away my happiness. I want to end this year strong, and with that I need some time to think and to draw away. I don't think I've felt this unsure since...several years back. I know the feeling when the time comes, I try to read the symptoms and stay away as best I could to prevent the same mistakes from happening. Time is all I need. Time will heal, and the moments of uncertainty will pass. Life will go on. and I will be stronger than ever. With that, I leave with this song that pretty much sums up what I'm feeling at the moment.

I wake up and i'm sober--don't even know you anymore.
Punch drunk on a feeling lost in believing I was sure.
I don't care what you have to say.
Damn words get in the way, I don't wanna know.
I know there'll come a time when I look you in the eyes and say, "I told you so"
And I promise you this: you're gonna miss me, miss me.
As long as you live, you're gonna miss me. Miss me.

Nobody's picture perfect, but we're worth it.

I have a lot of feelings to blog about tonight.

I came across old pictures as I put together a photo book for my mom's Christmas present because I know she'll love this sort of thing. I'm going through pictures in 2007, 2008, 2009...this year, and each picture, each date takes me back to that time frame. They say pictures are worth a thousand words. These pictures are worth a thousand memories, maybe more. Some fill me with joy, some fill me with longing for youth, some leave me downright sad. Why? Sad because the people in the pictures look so happy then, happier than how they are right now. And some, like my grandpa, look so young and happy three years ago. Currently, as I see him each day, I see him withering away, growing tired with each passing day. I know the day will come soon, I just keep hoping it won't be today, or tomorrow, or a year from now. My mom once told me, when the time comes, you must be strong. You mustn't cry because tears hold them back on this earth and you want his soul to liberate and fly towards miềng Cực Lạc. In a way, I'm glad things happen the way they did earlier this year, so I can mentally prepare myself for when it happens, God forbid. I just can't help thinking about it at times, especially more often now that I'm back home.

And my dad--he look so happy in 2007. His face in pictures light up the entire room. When he smiles, his eyes crinkle with joy. I know it is not the case now. I sometimes catch him at some random moments when he's by himself looking at the world, and that is when I get scared and teary. Why must you look so helpless at the world? We are here to offer you joy, comfort, happiness if you let us. It wasn't always the case though. My brother told me this year how upset and frustrated he got when grandpa was ill. But since my grandpa's a lot better now, I think he's better too. I mean, this summer when he found out he has a grandkid, his face burst with joy and he'd spend hours looking at facebook pictures of his grandson. I just wish one day they would be able to meet and he would be the proudest grandfather in the world :) Once I saw the pictures, I rush to compare them with the newer ones and I see he looks just as fine. So I guess my worries are very trivial.

I started off writing the post because I was letting my emotions get the best of me. I began in tears, but I finish with a smile. Because things are better now, than what they were. I just have to keep wishing for the best and be nice to my parents because sometimes I can come off as an ungrateful bitch. True story. I love you mom & dad. I just wish I can show that to you more often, instead of complaining and not caring like I always do. But we're all trying our best. And we have hope.

Everybody's got a dark side. Do you love me? Can you love me?

Nobody's picture perfect, but we're worth it. You know we're worth it.

Will you love me? Even with my dark side.

Heart to heart

There are times when I'm extremely confused about us. Are we meant to last? Why do I question if you want to be with me or not. The things you say offend me. I hate to be a burden, I hate to make you miss out on life. "I want to hang out with my friends." Um what? Sorry, you always have to make me your priority. Do  I not let you hang out with friends? Then why did I get the message that I'm the reason why you don't go to a  lot of things. As if I can dictate your life. I'm feeling extremely upset, more upset this morning than I did last night. I don't know anymore.

Most beautiful time of the year

I cannot believe it is almost end holiday season! Christmas time is my favorite time of the year, mainly because my dear friends come back to my hometown to visit and play. And of course, no school, and cold nights which calls for warm sweaters, pea-coats, leggings, boots, beanies--I simply adore winter wear. Also, you cannot forget about them holiday parties, filled with hot chocolate, and peppermint lattes from Starbucks, Christmas lights, oh my. It's simply my favorite time of the year.

Thanksgiving just passed, which means BREAK!! Caught up with old friends that I haven't seen for a while and hung out with new ones. It felt extremely nice and relaxing to not think about school for a few days. The only bad thing is, it got me into holiday mode already so I can't seem to focus on anything. I just want to be home for the holidays. But before that can happen, need to survive FINALS :(

I just finish signing for my classes for winter quarter. Hopefully it is as painless as possible and filled with many hours of sleep (aka the thing I always seem to need) #lifeofcollegestudent. I could be in bed right now, catching up on the zzZzz's since I finish my biochemisty homework early for once but I am online blogging my heart out. #latenightpostsarethebest. I miss my tumblr for that reason

Black friday shopping. Boots (in both pictures) are from Macy's. Red beanie from H&M, blue collared shirt from brother

Caught up with my babygirl, Magie. Treated her out to some dim sum as a belated birthday gift

Spontaneous trip to get some shaved snow. We tried almond snow with fresh strawberries, green tea mochi drizzled in condensed milk

Dinner with Jimmy, whom I haven't seen for over a year despite how close we lived to each other. Our school schedules were always opposite. Super spontaneous boba + brick toast (post dinner snack) with these fools. Joey and Jessica came down to visit us, hehe

Just some snapshots over Thanksgiving break. Time to hit the books again to ace those finals. See y'alls in a couple weeks or whenever I refuse to study (or sleep early)

With lots of TLC,

Denise

Happy happy thanks

It's thanksgiving! four fun filled days at home. I am quite thankful for a lot of things in my life, but this year I want to take a different approach to it. Every year I always thank the people in my life for supporting me and giving me love. But this year, I want to focus on me. I thank myself for being so strong willed and determine, for not taking no for an answer, for not taking anyone's crap. for being independent and hardworking when I need to be. because every day I see my dream. I want to thank myself for not giving up, especially a lot of times this year when shit got real. i want to thank my body for being healthy and happy (i know this year, my emotions were a wreck compared to other years) and i want to thank everyone else who put up with my bullcrap. my parents (because i gave you a lot more attitude this year than any other year) my boyfriend who was always so patient) my brother (for dealing with my parents when i'm not around and for doing my shit) my temple (who always welcome me with open arms and support me with whatever I need) circle k (for being the shining star in my life) and buddha. I recreated a path of buddhism for myself. I reflected and reach deep within myself and gain a sense of who I am. going back to temple was one of the best decisions i ever made. to be surrounded by those kids who are the bright stars of my sundays, to teach and give up after all these years of taking knowledge, to not be afraid of the future, and life after college. I am not afraid. you have given me strength and i thank you for it. this post is probably one of my worst posts because I am typing as I think, and not even bothering to capitalize and all that good stuff. but i am typing all the thoughts that flow out of my head and my heart. onto this blog. happy thanksgiving everyone. hope you are all safe with your families tonight. (or if you're out at black friday already, good luck and be safe and warm)

Love, denise

Straight from the heart.

I know I'm only twenty and the future is unclear but I say this with all of me. I hope you're the one.

cause all I need is a beauty and a beat

Fall training conference this week was so amazing! I spent a wonderful one and a half days at the beautiful campsite in Sonora, California. Everything about FTC was amazing, from our spirit to our transformer masks, to the long car rides, the workshops, the wondergames, the food, the dance... I don't even have the right words to describe how I felt this weekend. It was pure ecstasy. I am so proud of my club and Metro for repping it so hard during our general sessions and spirit battles with other schools and divisions.

  

My most memorable moments would have to be the spirit battle after our first general session, Alex's dance workshop, t-shirt fashion show, crazy car rides, spending time with my boothang, taking pictures, and skits. I've met so many people without feeling awkward or fake. Everyone was extremely nice and genuine and I can't wait to see them at our next district event. I really want to go to DCON but it is the weekend before finals so everything is still up in the air for that.

I wish I finished writing this post earlier this week when I had so many feels. But back to reality. All in all, I had an extremely fun weekend, and I am extremely grateful that I had the opportunity to explore again what FTC has to offer. :)

I'll follow you into the dark

It's always a little scary and depressing when I have time to reflect on my personal life. Not the things that don't pertain to work or school, but the things going on with my family that I never speak of to anyone. Things that I wanted to tell a friend, my significant other at some point, but never find the right time. Why bring up something sad, when they probably don't understand the things you are going through? It is scary to know these things exist. I'm sure they are common between every family, mine isn't any different. Yet, I've been so accustomed to a picture perfect life that any adversity throws me off balance. I try to be a strong person, but sometimes my thoughts get ahead of me. I don't want to turn a blind eye to the symptoms, yet I don't want to think about them constantly 24/7. I've done plenty of research since I found out, increased my interest on the situation at hand, yet I don't know how to help. I want the persons' affected to get better but I don't know where to begin. Am I supposed to know? Most importantly, does Mom know? Does mom know that I know? Does mom want me to know? (which is usually the question) I find that my family does keep their secrets away from me, mainly because my emotions are strong and anything abnormal will get me crying. But yet I worry. I worry and I pray to Buddha every day, every hour for their sake. For them to get better. Because sometimes I catch you looking so hopeless at the world and it breaks me down every time. I want to help. I want to be your sunshine in every way to chase those dark thoughts away from you. I am trying. Get better.

Third Year To-Do List

As you may or may not know, I will be entering my third year at UCLA! A new year with new experiences and goals to achieve. I have always been a fan with going back to school in the fall; the thought of it is too beautiful: new boys, new clothes, new classes, new friends..makes me feel like I'm in high school all over again. But just as much as I reminisce high school, I absolutely LOVE college. I love starting school once again, because I get to see all of my friends. I absolutely adore my college friends, my college campus, just everything about it. It makes me feel busy and successful and ambitious at the same time, so I decided to make a list of all the things to be accomplished this year.

1. Tailgate a football game.
2. Go to a masquerade ball!
3. Travel abroad. Anywhere, please
4. UCLA v. USC football game
5. Attend a wild Halloween party. With classy costumes ;)
6. Roadtrip to Nor cal! (possibly visit Berkeley?)
7. Research, research, research. Intern. Something
8. Holi Festival! I've never been to one of these before :(
9. Host a kickback at my apartment.
10. Professionally get my hair colored.
11. Dinner for Strangers.
12. Vegas? Maybeee
13. Tunneling. It's time to break those rules.
14. Hit the gym, at least ten times each quarter.
15. Get some rec letters going ;)
16. Fall Training Conference (it's always fun!)
17. Travel to the Big Apple and visit my best friend.
18. Ice blocking, again and again and again.
19. Splash in the fountain! Never been done, but I've always wanted to
20. Highlighter Party; Highlighter Party!!
21. Go to a rave with my homegirls
22. The GROVE!!! During winter time when the pretty lights are out.
23. Get a 4.0 GPA for at least one quarter.

Nostalgia

I've recently gotten into Pinterest and Weheartit again. I swore to myself since I deleted my Tumblr, I wasn't going to fall for these things again. They are mindless addictions, a waste of time. But, since the school year is starting, maybe I need something to take my mind away from things. Some aesthetic pleasure, you might say. But after liking the pictures or pinning it on my board, I want to share them with the world. So I might just post all of my favorites in here every once in a while. So you get a sense of my taste in beauty, fashion, and life, in general :)

There is just something so magnificent and peaceful about red and purple skies. I've always been a fan of romantic sunsets. Something about it, so elegant, dreamy, like someone just took some paintbrushes and drew it across the sky. And the Eiffel tower? One day, I want to go to Paris, and explore the ancient city of Romance. Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic.

Again, it's the colors that draw me to this picture. the pink purple gradient as the world transitions from dusk to night is absolutely breathtaking. And the water, the statue of liberty, all beautiful scenery that I enjoy. Pictures like these bring out the dreamer in me--bright hopes for the future: love, success, happiness, adventure. Of course, these pictures could be photoshopped, but if they were, they are a magnificent work of art.

Although we can't choose where we came from, we have the power to shape our own decisions. We can paint ourselves from a blank canvas and be whoever we want to be. The world is our oyster. We are infinite.

I just recently placed a hold on this book at the local library. I really want to read it before the movie comes out; it seems really deep. I'm always on the hunt for good reads; seems that lately all the novels I read are all the same-uninteresting. The only other good book I've read lately is Sisterhood Everlasting by Ann Brashares and it is incredibly captivating and flawlessly written. In my honest opinion, it is probably the best book out of the Sisterhood of Traveling Pants Series and it ends the adventures perfectly. Definitely recommend it to any of the ladies out there :)  

Taste of Summer

Two weeks ago, my boyfriend and I went to LACMA to view the beautiful art and we couldn't help it but take advantage of the gorgeous late August weather to have a photoshoot! I personally enjoyed the photoshoot a lot better than the artwork of the place itself. Maybe we went at a bad time, but there wasn't any unique exhibits.

I recently shopped online at Urban Outfitters and bought this cute dress! Free shipping, ftw. It looked super simple online, but once I tried it on at home, I knew it was a keeper. Only wished I didn't slouch in this picture. :(

All smiles! Necklace is from Forever21, necklace is from somewhere--got it a while back, on my lips was Revlon's lip butter in cherry tart, sunglasses are from St. John (birthday gift from my aunt this year)

Peek-a-boo! I see the camera!

I wish my boyfriend had a normal picture. Why must he look so creepy in every picture :( I want to show him off to the world, but this is so unattractive, LOLOL.

Afternoon sun was in my eyes, so hard to see.

Finally we got one decent picture. The lighting was just right, you can see how blue the skies were! I wish we had some cute couple ones near the poles, but beggars can't be choosers. Finding a photographer who knows how to work a dslr is pretty tough. Glad mr. photographer was able to capture this beautiful day ^_^

Two years to forever

Finally another update! I've been caught up in the whirlwind of summer school, work, apartment life, partying (jk about the last one!) that I haven't had much time to blog or much less feel inspired to blog. But trust me, I've been thinking about a lot of stuff! :)

Last weekend, my boyfriend and I decided to celebrate our two year anniversary early! So I told him to visit me in LA where I spoiled him with goodies and food (and now I am a broke ass) but hey, if you to be spoiled, you got to do some spoiling first yourself heheheh :)

This was my first time making an edible arrangement EVER! After weeks of watching my good friend Diane make these, I finally ventured to do some of my own arrangement. The only bad thing was the chocolate was overheated so I had to add water, which diluted it so it didn't harden properly :( If you look closely at the strawberries, you can see parts of the chocolate not drying properly. But nevertheless, the overall result looked pretty darn good, for a first timer! I used chocolate candy melts (you can get them from your local groceries), blueberries, peanut topping, kale for decoration and a huge orange as base. It's pretty simple to make, and would have taken me at most one hour max, but since the chocolate was giving me a hard time, it took me three hours :(

My boyfriend got me some roses! I still have them dried up in my orange juice case since I don't have a vase at the apartment. What a nice surprise--roses are always so classy and romantic, although I like a variety of flowers from time to time. Last time he got my brother flowers for graduation and the sunflowers were really nice, compliments from my momma.

Dangerous? Better be careful!

Ever so studious me. Always working on physics--my entire summer right there.

It was around 10 pm--the night was still young and we didn't know what to do. I texted my friend and found out she was in LA for the night so we decided to hit her up and venture into SGV to get our boba fix. We're too young to sleep at 10 on a Friday night, LOL

I rarely ever get Half & Half so I always get excited when I do! I think we both got the same drink: Ice milk with strawberry, pudding and honey boba. Life was good. :)

Summer bucketlist 2012 :: update

About two months ago, I posted a summer bucketlist. Here's a quick update on what I've added and accomplished!

1. Make 10 new friends (Unicamp, duhh!)
2. Unicamp! (Amazing week, no regrets)
3. Trai He La Hau La (Chill and relaxing, had a tent all to myself + kids really enjoyed it)
4. Attend brother's graduation (and took plenty of pictures)
5. Graduation party anyone? ;) (my brother's!)
6. Eat at some good korean bbq place (cham soot gol works, right?)
7. Read 3 new books (Great Gatsby- F. Scott Fitzgerald; Love the one you're with - Emily Giffin; Sisterhood Everlasting)
8. Attempt a new manicure (yes, finally)
9. Film a haul video (been wanting to do this since foreverr) (update: finally done! but too scared to actually upload it)
10. Attend 2 bonfires (got one down-Duy's bonfire)
11. Dip in the pool
12. Run at the beach
13. Get my pharm tech license
14. Finish 2 seasons of shows (one season of Korra is down; Avatar: last airbender--all three seasons!)
15. See 10 movies (Avengers 6/20; Amazing Spiderman 7/10; Dark Knight Rises 7/24; Prestige; Memento; She's the Man)
16. Learn a song on the piano
17. Shop 'til I drop (spent over $100 at f21--floppy hat, fedora, floral dress, zebra top, stars tunic, demin jacket)
18. Explore the wonders of OC Fair (Alaskan pig races! Bacon covered turkey! Funnel cake with vanilla ice cream!)
19. Funnel cake! (at fair)
20. Buy a new camera (Canon s100 anyone?)
21. Get dolled up and go out at night
22. Lighten hair (Champagne blonde)
23. Treat myself out to some brand name makeup ^_^
24. Play volleyball at the beach
25. Get a nice beach bod (should happen before summer, LOL)
26. Splurge on quality makeup (keeping my eye on Smashbox BB Cream)
27. Thrift! (attempted, LOL)

Tv shows

• Glee season 3
• New Girl
• Friends season 1
• How I met your mother season 2
• Voice season 2
• Avatar-Legend of Korra

Movies

• Avengers
• The Hulk
• Ironman
• Captain America
• Thor
• Twilight: Breaking Dawn
• Dark Knight Rise
• Men in Black 3
• Prometheus
• 21 Jump Street

Food

• Milk
• Class 302
• Red Lobster
• M Grill
• Saffron & Rose ice cream
• Sprinkles Ice cream

Places

• Friendship Bell
• Huntington Botanical Gardens
• Hot air balloon ride
• Disneyland
• US open
• Griffith park
• City walk
• DTDisney
• LACMA

*list is open for updates!

**italicize=accomplish!

As you see, I hadn't quite complete everything yet. But summer's not over yet, I have about three weeks left. Let's finish this list off!

Summer Lovin'

Another late night post, this time running on caffeine from my Milk Tea with caramel, honey boba and egg pudding from Half&Half courtesy of my baby boo. He's the best :)

I've been packing all week, getting everything ready for my move into my apartment. It's been quite nerve-wracking--one day not having utilities set up, to buying the couch, and saying good bye to the folks back home. A couple days ago I was a mess, trying to get my life back together (major PMS problems right there) but today I am almost ready and extremely excited about moving! I'm finally getting my own place, technically. Makes me feel like a big girl now, paying bills, worrying about rent and all that jazz. Supes excited, though ^_^

So what else have I been up to in the past week? Just hanging out with some friends before my life got taken over by packing. Summer nights ♥

Boiling Crab with my lovely kangas, followed by some old fashion boba. We had a kick laughing at all the boba names, including "Awesome Threesome" and "Sunburnt White Boy."

Saw the Dark Knight Rises finally with my baby boo! Apparently, this was his third time watching it, LOL. Nolan does an amazing job ending the Batman trilogy. Very clever

OC fair date with my future apartment mates. I'm thrilled to be living with them next year; they are all a fun and exciting bunch. Extremely patient with me, very kind and smart. We all have pretty much similar interests, heights (LOL) and personalities. 

My caffeine is starting to wear off, I'm calling it a night. Good night world, until next post!

Can we get away? Far away.

Sometimes I wish I can get away. Just to escape this place I call home for a day, a week, a year and then come home to a newly refurbish place, with cool leather couches, a polished hardwood floor, a room of my own, painted in something other than boring white. Come home to spacious rooms, newly painted, bathrooms, clean and shiny, grass, crisp and green.

This summer, more than ever, I feel ashamed of my house. Living in the dorms where everything is new and clean and in my grasp, to visiting my friends' houses where the rooms are newly remodeled and decorated. Then coming home to my mom constantly complaining how shitty our place looks, how my dad lacks motivation and imagination to reorganize everything, how she doesn't have time to rearrange the stack of old shit buried in the corner to how rusty our fences are, how we don't see all the cracks in the wall as she does. In fact, we do. Or at least I do. But I feel powerless to change anything. If I could, I would sort through everything and throw away all the unnecessary junk accumulating over the past 20 years of my life. Maybe if I could, I'd paint over the walls to some hip color. Or clean the rooms, weed the gardens... I can't because I feel that this is YOUR place and I don't know where any shit is. You store away things in your own secret corner and if I ask you, it's always such a hassle.

Maybe that's the reason why I always feel so powerless when I'm at home. I mean, it's nice to have a place to stay and parents to provide for you, but I'm a growing young woman. My mature mind is processing and pretty soon I think I need my own space to decorate. Every night I come home crawling back into my little hole in the ground, waiting for the next day to come. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my house but I always feel like there's something more to it that could be done. But what could I do--a poor college student whose going to be in serious debt by the time she finishes her undergrad. What can I possibly do knowing fully well that I'm going to be in deeper debt by the time I finish pharmacy school. What is there to do? I want so much more than I can afford: a new point and shoot, a fancy wristwatch, shoes... simple things by society's standards. Money to occasionally eat out and enjoy life with friends, to buy beautiful clothes to stay in style, to shower my family with gifts, I'm living on a day to day basis. Currently not working, but once I start working in August, once school starts, I have rent to pay, bills, tuition, books to worry about... demands way  too high to meet my meek wages.

I wish there was a way to make decent money at such a young age. Something to help my parents to compensate for my daily demands. Something to give me hope that one day my loans will be paid off. Something to reassure me that my future is reachable, that my Pharm D. is worth it. That the 200K debt I'll be in, will be paid off within a year or two. That when I start my own family, I can afford a house, a car and everything else without having to struggle over how my kids will live through the next day. Don't we all wish the same thing? Isn't it all part of the American Dream? Struggle now so hopefully the younger generations don't have to struggle? Everyone's thinking of it, I'm not the first to feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. I'm digging deeper into this hole; hopefully one day, I can crawl out and bury it with my success.

YOWA: You're only Woodsey always

Where do I even begin? It was one of the most life fulfilling week of my life, filled with warm fuzzies and happiness.

The week started off roughly with several buses breaking down and arriving late so our opening campfire for Day 1 was delayed until Day 2. Nonetheless the counselors and specialists were extremely excited to finally meet our kids, to finally apply our 100 hours of training to real life. The first day was pretty chill. Nothing went according to plan but we were all really flexible. Specialists all slept in the same cabin (warm fuzzies right there) as we wait for day 2 to begin.

The next day we had Adopt-a-specialist program to find which unit we get adopted into. I had the pleasure of being adopted into Unit 7 with Money and Spirt along with Jerms. The day's rotations ran pretty smoothly. Co & I switched off in teaching the kids One Direction-What makes you beautiful and Thug Le (Indian cultural piece) We had our opening campfire that night.

Day 3 was our hump day. We had to teach the kids a different piece since they already learn the first two pieces so we decided to teach them Thriller. Unfortunately, we were dancing at the campfire and the bugs were swarming everywhere and our speakers weren't working and the dance was just too well, Michael Jackson style. The kids weren't digging it and we lost our patience. Or rather I did. The last rotation is always the hardest. We had to teach 3 units Bieber's Boyfriend which was too difficult and technical for them. I think the boys enjoyed it more than the girls and again I lost my patience. My unit wasn't too in sync with each other either.

Day 4 was fairly good. We abandon all efforts to teach them Thriller and Boyfriend. Instead we taught them Stronger and Glad you came. Fairly easy pieces and we even go a free rotation. Once we learn to be flexible, programming became a lot easier :) Was this fourth of July? RIBS FOR DINNER, SO GOOD. Unit night that night and it didn't go as planned. We ended up missing the Fourth of July Star Viewing thing because the girls took a while to reach for their dreams. The activity backfired--the girls grew more distant instead of coming together...

Day 5 was pretty good day. Our night hike was pretty successful and I felt that the debrief was appropriate and made up for our fail Unit Night. Received our happy notes during campfire and I bawled my eyes out like a child. Thank you for those who took your time to write me these happy letters. I feel so spesh ^_^

Day 6... man camp is passing by like a dream :) SPECIALIST SWIM! TALENT SHOW! Specialists rewrote lyrics to Hey There Delilah and it was super cute! Co and I were have commentaries to each performance from the kids. We remembered which kids gave us a hard time and which ones listen. LOL And two of my girls did improv with Bones and actually beat him! Proud aunt moment :')

Day 7: Ending campfire and the last of our rotations. The rotations for the rest of the week went by smoothly. Co and I did our best not to lose our patience because kids will just be kids. They do fine in praise but poorly in anger. Our all camper programs went by smoothly as well. I think by now we all gave up trying and getting all the kids to participate and all the kids were tired of fighting back so everyone just went with the flow. Face painted for the first time, LOL. Specialists got together 10 minutes before closing campfire and came up with our YOWA skit (You're only woodsey always) and made fun of all the campers and their weird habits. LOL Good night :)

Day 8: Hooray, last day! It was great that all the campers started tearing up. Glad to see that they will miss camp despite all the crap they gave us. So happy to see them go (thank god, LOL) We started cussing and singing inappropriate songs, felt so good! ^_^ Closing chapel was pretty fun :) and then Post session festivities were another story ;) 

Thank you Unicamp for giving me an opportunity to inspire someone's life. To motivate them to pursue higher education, to have them think about their future at such an early age. I know in areas of extreme poverty we all wonder where our next meal will come from or how we'll make it thru to the next day. I'm glad I was able to touch the kids' hearts. For each person that I was able to inspire, they are worth every minute of camp that I had to endure, and worth every single training hour I had to go thru and every sacrifice that I had to make in order to be a specialist. Worth every test that I bombed because I had meetings to go to, worth all the shit I gave up during spring quarter. And because of this, I know why everyone keeps coming back. Once Woodsey, always Woodsey.

Next time I'll be braver, I'll be my own savior.

I feel like I have to blog out my feelings before I go ballistic. It's not like it's the first time these thoughts have occurred to me. It's been an ongoing process within the past couple of weeks. Some days it's stronger than others, some days I can brush it off, but right now it's the biggest thing on my mind and heaviest thing in my heart.

I just talked with my boyfriend about it so I think I'll summarize it in a couple of words.

Where did my feelings go? Why don't I feel as special as I once was? Why do I feel like I'm constantly competing with every other thing going on in your life?

I'm sure life will go back to normal once school starts. It always does. Last summer was just as rough for my relationship but circumstances were different than now. And if they don't, I don't know what I'm going to do except...the inevitable.

"Do not follow where the path may lead. Go, instead, where there is no path and leave a trail." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Congratulations, Class of 2012!

Lacy black top from pacsun, black jeweled cardigan, floral skirt and gold leaf earrings are all  from Forever 21,  and wedges (not pictured) are a gift from a friend, sunglasses from St. John, bracelet is a gift from Sean

Makeup:  I had on a simple winged eyeliner, falsies mascara, concealer from maybelline-instant age rewind in shade 120 light,  lips-revlon's lip butter in cherry tart

Your long journey of high school is now OVER! Never shall you roam the familiar hallways of your high school, frolic under the shades of the trees and relax on the bright blue benches at lunch. You are now entering the real world! I applaud you for your efforts, but your journey towards higher education is not over; in fact, you've barely started! I dare you all to trespass on the lawns of your future with bright eyes and eagerness for learning. Keep an open mind. From now on, you are in charge of your own decisions, so make them carefully. Weigh out the consequences and never lose sight of your dreams.

On a lighter note, my brother's graduation was two days ago! He was on the GOLD side (left of stage, first row) which meant my family had to face the burning sun (just kidding, it wasn't that bad if you had shades on) to cheer for him. Security was poor this year. We heard the horns and vuvuzelas blasting in the air for other graduates (which was super annoying, btdubs) Sean was his official photographer for the day since my momma's camera couldn't take the far distance shots. It's HD quality so I'm not complaining.

Anyways, my mom treat us all out to dinner at a fancy schmancy Chinese restaurant (y'alls know how I feel about Chinese restaurants, LOL). We ordered a sweet&sour pork, some kind of leafy greens, a kungpao chicken, a sweet&sour catfish soup, a vegetable noodle and a beef&vegetables dish which wasn't that bad and greasy at all. After all that, we rendezvous back to my house so Sean can upload Daniel's grad pictures to my laptop. Over all fun night.

My brother is currently partying away at Gradnite right now. Let him have his fun until he has to buckle down and work hard like the rest of us. :)