I'll follow you into the dark

It's always a little scary and depressing when I have time to reflect on my personal life. Not the things that don't pertain to work or school, but the things going on with my family that I never speak of to anyone. Things that I wanted to tell a friend, my significant other at some point, but never find the right time. Why bring up something sad, when they probably don't understand the things you are going through? It is scary to know these things exist. I'm sure they are common between every family, mine isn't any different. Yet, I've been so accustomed to a picture perfect life that any adversity throws me off balance. I try to be a strong person, but sometimes my thoughts get ahead of me. I don't want to turn a blind eye to the symptoms, yet I don't want to think about them constantly 24/7. I've done plenty of research since I found out, increased my interest on the situation at hand, yet I don't know how to help. I want the persons' affected to get better but I don't know where to begin. Am I supposed to know? Most importantly, does Mom know? Does mom know that I know? Does mom want me to know? (which is usually the question) I find that my family does keep their secrets away from me, mainly because my emotions are strong and anything abnormal will get me crying. But yet I worry. I worry and I pray to Buddha every day, every hour for their sake. For them to get better. Because sometimes I catch you looking so hopeless at the world and it breaks me down every time. I want to help. I want to be your sunshine in every way to chase those dark thoughts away from you. I am trying. Get better.