Can we get away? Far away.

Sometimes I wish I can get away. Just to escape this place I call home for a day, a week, a year and then come home to a newly refurbish place, with cool leather couches, a polished hardwood floor, a room of my own, painted in something other than boring white. Come home to spacious rooms, newly painted, bathrooms, clean and shiny, grass, crisp and green.

This summer, more than ever, I feel ashamed of my house. Living in the dorms where everything is new and clean and in my grasp, to visiting my friends' houses where the rooms are newly remodeled and decorated. Then coming home to my mom constantly complaining how shitty our place looks, how my dad lacks motivation and imagination to reorganize everything, how she doesn't have time to rearrange the stack of old shit buried in the corner to how rusty our fences are, how we don't see all the cracks in the wall as she does. In fact, we do. Or at least I do. But I feel powerless to change anything. If I could, I would sort through everything and throw away all the unnecessary junk accumulating over the past 20 years of my life. Maybe if I could, I'd paint over the walls to some hip color. Or clean the rooms, weed the gardens... I can't because I feel that this is YOUR place and I don't know where any shit is. You store away things in your own secret corner and if I ask you, it's always such a hassle.

Maybe that's the reason why I always feel so powerless when I'm at home. I mean, it's nice to have a place to stay and parents to provide for you, but I'm a growing young woman. My mature mind is processing and pretty soon I think I need my own space to decorate. Every night I come home crawling back into my little hole in the ground, waiting for the next day to come. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my house but I always feel like there's something more to it that could be done. But what could I do--a poor college student whose going to be in serious debt by the time she finishes her undergrad. What can I possibly do knowing fully well that I'm going to be in deeper debt by the time I finish pharmacy school. What is there to do? I want so much more than I can afford: a new point and shoot, a fancy wristwatch, shoes... simple things by society's standards. Money to occasionally eat out and enjoy life with friends, to buy beautiful clothes to stay in style, to shower my family with gifts, I'm living on a day to day basis. Currently not working, but once I start working in August, once school starts, I have rent to pay, bills, tuition, books to worry about... demands way  too high to meet my meek wages.

I wish there was a way to make decent money at such a young age. Something to help my parents to compensate for my daily demands. Something to give me hope that one day my loans will be paid off. Something to reassure me that my future is reachable, that my Pharm D. is worth it. That the 200K debt I'll be in, will be paid off within a year or two. That when I start my own family, I can afford a house, a car and everything else without having to struggle over how my kids will live through the next day. Don't we all wish the same thing? Isn't it all part of the American Dream? Struggle now so hopefully the younger generations don't have to struggle? Everyone's thinking of it, I'm not the first to feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. I'm digging deeper into this hole; hopefully one day, I can crawl out and bury it with my success.

YOWA: You're only Woodsey always

Where do I even begin? It was one of the most life fulfilling week of my life, filled with warm fuzzies and happiness.

The week started off roughly with several buses breaking down and arriving late so our opening campfire for Day 1 was delayed until Day 2. Nonetheless the counselors and specialists were extremely excited to finally meet our kids, to finally apply our 100 hours of training to real life. The first day was pretty chill. Nothing went according to plan but we were all really flexible. Specialists all slept in the same cabin (warm fuzzies right there) as we wait for day 2 to begin.

The next day we had Adopt-a-specialist program to find which unit we get adopted into. I had the pleasure of being adopted into Unit 7 with Money and Spirt along with Jerms. The day's rotations ran pretty smoothly. Co & I switched off in teaching the kids One Direction-What makes you beautiful and Thug Le (Indian cultural piece) We had our opening campfire that night.

Day 3 was our hump day. We had to teach the kids a different piece since they already learn the first two pieces so we decided to teach them Thriller. Unfortunately, we were dancing at the campfire and the bugs were swarming everywhere and our speakers weren't working and the dance was just too well, Michael Jackson style. The kids weren't digging it and we lost our patience. Or rather I did. The last rotation is always the hardest. We had to teach 3 units Bieber's Boyfriend which was too difficult and technical for them. I think the boys enjoyed it more than the girls and again I lost my patience. My unit wasn't too in sync with each other either.

Day 4 was fairly good. We abandon all efforts to teach them Thriller and Boyfriend. Instead we taught them Stronger and Glad you came. Fairly easy pieces and we even go a free rotation. Once we learn to be flexible, programming became a lot easier :) Was this fourth of July? RIBS FOR DINNER, SO GOOD. Unit night that night and it didn't go as planned. We ended up missing the Fourth of July Star Viewing thing because the girls took a while to reach for their dreams. The activity backfired--the girls grew more distant instead of coming together...

Day 5 was pretty good day. Our night hike was pretty successful and I felt that the debrief was appropriate and made up for our fail Unit Night. Received our happy notes during campfire and I bawled my eyes out like a child. Thank you for those who took your time to write me these happy letters. I feel so spesh ^_^

Day 6... man camp is passing by like a dream :) SPECIALIST SWIM! TALENT SHOW! Specialists rewrote lyrics to Hey There Delilah and it was super cute! Co and I were have commentaries to each performance from the kids. We remembered which kids gave us a hard time and which ones listen. LOL And two of my girls did improv with Bones and actually beat him! Proud aunt moment :')

Day 7: Ending campfire and the last of our rotations. The rotations for the rest of the week went by smoothly. Co and I did our best not to lose our patience because kids will just be kids. They do fine in praise but poorly in anger. Our all camper programs went by smoothly as well. I think by now we all gave up trying and getting all the kids to participate and all the kids were tired of fighting back so everyone just went with the flow. Face painted for the first time, LOL. Specialists got together 10 minutes before closing campfire and came up with our YOWA skit (You're only woodsey always) and made fun of all the campers and their weird habits. LOL Good night :)

Day 8: Hooray, last day! It was great that all the campers started tearing up. Glad to see that they will miss camp despite all the crap they gave us. So happy to see them go (thank god, LOL) We started cussing and singing inappropriate songs, felt so good! ^_^ Closing chapel was pretty fun :) and then Post session festivities were another story ;) 

Thank you Unicamp for giving me an opportunity to inspire someone's life. To motivate them to pursue higher education, to have them think about their future at such an early age. I know in areas of extreme poverty we all wonder where our next meal will come from or how we'll make it thru to the next day. I'm glad I was able to touch the kids' hearts. For each person that I was able to inspire, they are worth every minute of camp that I had to endure, and worth every single training hour I had to go thru and every sacrifice that I had to make in order to be a specialist. Worth every test that I bombed because I had meetings to go to, worth all the shit I gave up during spring quarter. And because of this, I know why everyone keeps coming back. Once Woodsey, always Woodsey.

Next time I'll be braver, I'll be my own savior.

I feel like I have to blog out my feelings before I go ballistic. It's not like it's the first time these thoughts have occurred to me. It's been an ongoing process within the past couple of weeks. Some days it's stronger than others, some days I can brush it off, but right now it's the biggest thing on my mind and heaviest thing in my heart.

I just talked with my boyfriend about it so I think I'll summarize it in a couple of words.

Where did my feelings go? Why don't I feel as special as I once was? Why do I feel like I'm constantly competing with every other thing going on in your life?

I'm sure life will go back to normal once school starts. It always does. Last summer was just as rough for my relationship but circumstances were different than now. And if they don't, I don't know what I'm going to do except...the inevitable.

"Do not follow where the path may lead. Go, instead, where there is no path and leave a trail." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Congratulations, Class of 2012!

Lacy black top from pacsun, black jeweled cardigan, floral skirt and gold leaf earrings are all  from Forever 21,  and wedges (not pictured) are a gift from a friend, sunglasses from St. John, bracelet is a gift from Sean

Makeup:  I had on a simple winged eyeliner, falsies mascara, concealer from maybelline-instant age rewind in shade 120 light,  lips-revlon's lip butter in cherry tart

Your long journey of high school is now OVER! Never shall you roam the familiar hallways of your high school, frolic under the shades of the trees and relax on the bright blue benches at lunch. You are now entering the real world! I applaud you for your efforts, but your journey towards higher education is not over; in fact, you've barely started! I dare you all to trespass on the lawns of your future with bright eyes and eagerness for learning. Keep an open mind. From now on, you are in charge of your own decisions, so make them carefully. Weigh out the consequences and never lose sight of your dreams.

On a lighter note, my brother's graduation was two days ago! He was on the GOLD side (left of stage, first row) which meant my family had to face the burning sun (just kidding, it wasn't that bad if you had shades on) to cheer for him. Security was poor this year. We heard the horns and vuvuzelas blasting in the air for other graduates (which was super annoying, btdubs) Sean was his official photographer for the day since my momma's camera couldn't take the far distance shots. It's HD quality so I'm not complaining.

Anyways, my mom treat us all out to dinner at a fancy schmancy Chinese restaurant (y'alls know how I feel about Chinese restaurants, LOL). We ordered a sweet&sour pork, some kind of leafy greens, a kungpao chicken, a sweet&sour catfish soup, a vegetable noodle and a beef&vegetables dish which wasn't that bad and greasy at all. After all that, we rendezvous back to my house so Sean can upload Daniel's grad pictures to my laptop. Over all fun night.

My brother is currently partying away at Gradnite right now. Let him have his fun until he has to buckle down and work hard like the rest of us. :)

Summer 2012 bucketlist

Summer is a time for relaxation, excitement, and everything in between.  Time to just enjoy the quiet beauties of life and fully appreciate what we've been taking for granted.  Just a list of things I want to accomplish this summer!

1. Make 10 new friends
2. Unicamp!
3. Trai He La Hau La
4. Attend brother's graduation
5. Graduation party anyone? ;)
6. Eat at some good korean bbq place
7. Read 3 new books
8. Attempt a new manicure
9. Film a haul video
10. Attend 2 bonfires
11. Dip in the pool
12. Run at the beach
13. Get my pharm tech license
14. Finish 2 seasons of shows
15. Learn a song on the piano
16. Shop 'til I drop 
17. Explore the wonders of OC Fair 
18. Funnel cake!
19. Buy a new camera (Canon s100 anyone?)
20. Get dolled up and go out at night
21. Lighten hair
22. Treat myself out to some brand name makeup ^_^
23. Play volleyball at the beach
24. Get a nice beach bod (should happen before summer, LOL)
25. Splurge on quality makeup (keeping my eye on Smashbox BB Cream)
26. Thrift!

Tv shows

• Glee season 3
• New Girl
• Friends season 1
• How I met your mother season 2
• Voice season 2
• Avatar-Legend of Korra

Movies

• Avengers
• The Hulk
• Ironman
• Captain America
• Thor
• Twilight: Breaking Dawn
• Dark Knight Rise
• Men in Black 3
• Prometheus
• 21 Jump Street

Food

• Milk
• Class 302
• Red Lobster
• M Grill
• Saffron & Rose ice cream
• Sprinkles Ice cream

Places

• Friendship Bell
• Huntington Botanical Gardens
• Hot air balloon ride
• Disneyland
• US open
• Griffith park
• City walk
• DTDisney

*list is open for updates!

**italicize=accomplish!

Keep calm, it's almost summer

So soon, so close. Only one final left standing in my way. Approximately 18 more hours until the breezy days and clear skies and warm beaches are mine. Everyone around me is done and moving out of the dorms. Everyone outside is all happy and chirpy, relaxed, dressed in khaki shorts and summer dresses. Everyone is pushing those moving carts because they are moving out, going back to home, wherever that might be. Everyone around me are happy, but I too shall soon join them. Second year, you've been good to me, but this summer, Summer 2012, will do me right. I can already taste it on my lips.

I am going to start studying for my last final. I took a five hour break earlier, cleaning my desk and drawers, packing stuff into boxes. Scrapbooking for my beloved Diane and Billy, but that shall be TBC. There are still a lot more I want to do, especially for the graduating seniors, but I don't have time right now. Soon, soon. :)

Amidst the post-labs and quizzes and finals

I am surviving. I promise myself that I would finish this quarter off strong and strong I must. I don't know how many late nights and all nighters and coffees I have to take in order to take on this daunting task, but I can do it. I will come out on top. And when that Friday comes, two weeks from now, I will jump and soar and be the happiest I can be, because FINALLY I will be on summer break.

I am close to finishing off my second year at UCLA. A year filled with ups and downs, tears, sweat, passion, faith, lost of hope, spiritual wealth, grueling work, serious fights, intense nights, early mornings, fun, spontaneous adventures, crazy weekends, diversity, love-making, fashion, photography, ambitions, falls, drama, sweet dreams. My second year has been EVERYTHING I could have ever imagined. I completed things I didn't even think I could, in a million years. Family head, Dance Marathon, UNICAMP, even Dance specialist, DCON talent act, FTC, Go West, ice blocking, prom, Masquerade Ball, Star of the moment, scored the pharmacy clerk job at my school's pharmacy...the list goes on and on. And yet, despite all this madness, my health is great. My grades could be better. My mentality at UCLA has improved tremendously, and I am more than ever deeply in love with my boyfriend of over 1.5 years. This is crazy, but it's happening. It happened. And it will continue to happen. :)

As a senior in high school, I felt lost, insecure, peer pressured. Towards graduation, I've never felt more confident, happy and carefree in my life. Going through my first year, I lost that sense of confidence and belonging. Instead, I felt miserable, unsure, stuck, out of place. It wasn't until the start of this year, 2012, that I regain that sense of belonging. Everywhere I go now, I feel loved, accomplished, and smart. But this journey is far from over. Although I am now sure of my future, I know the road there is tough and unpredictable. I cannot account for the twists and turns along the way, as I'm sure there will be many over the next couple of years. I am determined to pull through this, determine to get my Pharm D. to be a kind, and bright pharmacist, to bring light, hope and inspiration to hundreds of people that I will one day serve in my community. I believe I can get there. It may not be the route that I want to take, but the end result is the same. I see my name in shining lights. Best believe it.